This
time it’s
you, daddy.
Slowly dying
faceless and absent
within a daughter’s eyes
just like Sylvia’s daddy
yet,I won’t follow like she did
to haunt a mausoleum of stone.
This time it’s you, daddy. Slowly dying.
Visit here to read original version of this poem!
This is a poetry form invented by Marion Friedenthal and named ‘Dectina Refrain’ by Luke Prater
Form is 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 syllables and then the first 4 lines repeated in a stand-alone 10th line.
submitted for One Shot Wednesday- Week 32!
March 17th, 2011 at 1:57 am
Well done; a courageous poem to write. I read Slyvia’s version years ago and thought how powerful the statement was at that time. The mark is forever but if one can forgive; they can unchain themselves from a life of devastation and the attachment to the scar. It is really to bad that she could not detach herself from the wound.
a poet, artist friend
RH Peat
February 14th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Like the whole poem, particularly the life/defiance of the end line.
February 10th, 2011 at 11:52 pm
Dear Annie
Powerful.. and the despair within your thoughts and the rebellion is so strong that it comes out within so simple words as you write…
‘This time its you…”
Thanks for sharing..
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-another-kind-of-valentines-day.html
February 10th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Oh my!! So sad… but so beautifully written!! Packed with feeling… and words that just tug at your heart.. wow!
And this poetry form by Marion/Luke is awesome!! Gotta try it!!
February 10th, 2011 at 2:21 pm
This one held a real charge. So sad, so beautiful.
February 10th, 2011 at 9:33 am
very nice Annie. Prefer it to the longer free verse piece actually. Love and light and similar hippy nonsense
February 10th, 2011 at 9:42 am
Luke,
Thanks for the hippy nonsense…always helps. I prefer this one to the original (written five years ago) as well…Interesting process…taking the long free verse and rewriting it. Very cathartic actually.
Peace your way
February 9th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Yes. I found this very successful. I really want to do Luke’s workshop. When will I find the time. Enjoyed this. Thank you, Gay @beachanny
February 9th, 2011 at 11:25 pm
A workshop with Luke would be great…I am not aware of when. Marion Friedental ( a member of the FB group Facial Expressions Poetry Circle) created this form…Luke assisted in the naming…they work well together!
Thanks for taking the time to be here Gay!
February 9th, 2011 at 7:39 pm
Fantastic Annie! I love the part ” faceless and absent within a daughter’s eyes”. I can relate to it. Very emotional! You are an amazing poet!
February 9th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Very interesting form, and you kept the mystery alive and enticing in it. Nicely done!